Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
