OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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