you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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