i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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