I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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