I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
