There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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