i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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