And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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