just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
