oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
