I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
