I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
BRING THE BAGELS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
