Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
