life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
