You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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