I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
