he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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