im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
