this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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