when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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