Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
