its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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