Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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