pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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