I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
