I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
