Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
