If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
