He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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