I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
