i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
