i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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