sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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