I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
