There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
