I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
