i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
