I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
