Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
