i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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