grandma shit on top of the toilet
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
