Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
