am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
