id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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