Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
