you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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