okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
that may or may not have been my penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
