I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
