I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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