It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
