I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
